Random Ed-ness
by FelineGal
Summary: Just random Ed, Edd N' Eddy shorts which are pretty funny, CAUTION! may cause cracked ribs and shrivled up lungs! R&R please. rated T for killing in chapter 4
1. Chicken Man

**Chicken man!**

…..

Edd(Double-D) and Eddy were in the junkyard looking for Ed who had strangely disappeared

"Ed!" Edd shouted

"**Were are ya, ya pathetic excuse for a lump?!**" Eddy yelled, then he tripped on something

"Eddy are you all right?" Edd asked running up to Eddy

"I'm fine Double-D" Eddy said as he got up, then he noticed what he tripped over, a chicken! "What the?" Eddy bent down and knocked on the chicken's head and suddenly it fell down revealing a trap door with a staircase, Edd and Eddy were suspended in air for a second due to cartoon physics, then gravity took hold of them and they fell down the staircase like in the episode 'no speak DA Ed' when they discovered a hidden sanctuary under Rolf's shed. When the two finally got to the end of the stairs they landed in a pile of live chickens,

"**_Who dares enter my lair?!_**" a voice boomed, Edd and Eddy looked up to see the silhouette of some sort of weird chicken

"Who the heck are you?" Eddy demanded pointing at the strange figure, the figure walked towards the two Eds

"**_I am chicken man!_**" The figure answered, when he got into the light Edd and Eddy saw it was none other than Ed, with a red rubber glove on his head and a paper beak taped to his upper lip, and he was wearing a horribly made chicken costume, the tail was green and cyan, the 'wings' were red, yellow and brown and the rest of the costume was brown, white, red, and dark-cyan, and he was wearing flippers

"Ed? Why are you wearing that chicken costume?" Eddy asked

"I am not Ed" Ed said "I am chicken man, say it with me, Chick-en man"

"Yeah yeah whatever, so what's with all the chickens?" Eddy asked

"I am chicken man, I save chickens from the evil farmers" Ed explained "the farmers are an evil group that try to hurt chickens and collect they're eggs and feathers" Eddy face-palmed himself

"Idiot" Eddy muttered


	2. Ed Doesn't Have Buttered toat!

**Ed doesn't have buttered toast**

…..

Ed woke up happy as usual, he got dressed and went upstairs

"Time for buttered toast!" he said to himself, he went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, but he saw no bread or butter "..**Were is the butter and bread?!**" He shouted after a moment

"We ran out after that stupid party you threw, mom will be back with some later" Sarah's voice said

"OK I can wait that long" Ed said and sat down at the table, five seconds passed before Ed started to freak out "**I! can't! take! it! any! More!**" Ed shouted then ran strait through the wall and over to Edd's House, Ed ran into the basement, opened a secret cabinet and found the monster costume from the episode 'the day the Ed stood still', he put it on and started to destroy Edd's basement. When Ed, or should I say 'Edzilla', was done he started destroying the rest of the house, then the next one, then the next, and the next until he destroyed the whole cul-da-sac, then he destroyed the trailer park even though the Kankers were there... after a week Ed had completely turned peach creek into ruins, with people running around like wild animals and whenever Edzilla came near they would stop whatever they were doing and **run for they're stinkin' lives!** Edzilla was the most feared thing in all of what's left of peach creek, heck Even the Kanker family feared him, Edzilla had even renamed the place as 'Edzilla's jungle' "... I am board" Edzilla said after a while

…..

a few weeks later:

**The whole world was a jungle of destroyed buildings and Edzilla was feared by every creature there was!** then Edzilla saw a paice of buttered toast on the ground and he ate it

"**Ed is happy once more!**" Ed shouted and took his costume of, he was about to go back home, but then every other living creature surrounded him "..uh.. hi?" Ed said trying to figure out what was going on, and then it _literally_ hit him as every creature pounded and clawed Ed, this went on for a long long time...


	3. Ed blows up the planet

**Ed blows up the planet**

…..

It was night time in the cul-da-sac of peach creek, in Edd's house Ed was playing with his lip and Edd in his bunny slippers was shuffling along the carpet, he came up to Ed and put his finger close to Ed's nose, Ed felt a slight zap

"Zappety zap-zap" Ed exclaimed

"That's static electricity Ed" Edd explained "Did you know that a treasure-trove of accessible energy lies right beneath our feet?"

"No!" Ed exclaimed, he looked at his feet, he wasn't wearing shoes "Like between my toes Double-D?" Ed wiggled his toes as he said that

"Not quite Ed" Edd said and Ed twisted his head around "Here you try" Edd handed Ed the slippers and Ed grinned, Ed leaped onto the carpet after putting on the slippers, then slid one foot back and forth and a spark appeared in-between the ears for a split-second, Ed started shuffling his feet as Edd said: "You see: By shuffling along the carpet you absorb eager electrons rapidly looking for a direct escape" Ed didn't pay attention, he just kept shuffling around the carpet until he noticed that his eyebrow was practically made of electricity, he started laughing and shuffling all over the place "Now Ed there's no need to over-do it" Edd tried to reason but Ed didn't listen, he disappeared for a few days nobody knew where he was

"Where the hack is that lump?" Eddy asked. Suddenly they all saw a light rising, which was weird because it was sunset, a moment later they all started to get pulled towards the light, and the closer they got, the faster they went

"What the heck is goin' on?" Kevin asked, they were pulled closer and closer and they saw tons of things floating around even buildings... soon they were pulled close enough to see the source of the light: Ed! Only he was surrounded by sparks of electricity and his eyebrow was made of it

"What in the name of the great Sea cucumber?" Rolf exclaimed

"I say we grab somethin'" Eddy sugested

"Good idea for once dorky" Kevin agreed and they all latched onto something, all except Edd who couldn't get a grip on anything... soon he was really close to Ed who was _still_ shuffling his feet, then Edd managed to grab onto a chair

"Ed! Please Stop!" Edd pleaded

"Like this Double-D?" Ed said as he lifted up a hand, Ed reached towards Edd with one finger extended "Hahahaha! Zappety Zap-zap!" Ed exclaimed right before Edd's nose made contact with the finger, the scene changes to the earth, for a second it seems peaceful unless you count the yellow dot that the moon is attracted to, then, **_BOOM!_**, the earth, moon and any planets to close to it are destroyed in a flash of yellow that ranged about a light-year. The only thing left smack-dab in the center is Ed who is completely unharmed "Tag you're it!" he said stupidly to the skeleton that belonged to Edd right before it turned into a cloud of dust.


	4. Clon-Ed

**Clon-Ed**

Jonny was walking down the sidewalk carrying Plank and a jug, when suddenly Ed passed by

"Gravy!" Ed shouted

"hiya Ed!" Jonny said, then another Ed passed by, then another, then two more, then a whole army of Eds! "we should lay off the fruit punch, huh Plank?" with that, Jonny put the jug in the trashcan he just happened to be standing next to. Kevin was teaching Rolf how to play games, right now they were playing Go Fish

"do ya have any aces?" Kevin asked

"what is an ace?" Rolf asked

"just look for a card with an 'A' on the corner" Kevin answered, Rolf searched through his cards

"no, Go Fishing" Rolf finally answered, Kevin took a card from the deck "Rolf does not understand why this game of cards is called 'Go Fish'"

"me neither" Kevin said, suddenly Ed ran by.. then another.. then two more.. then 15 more.. and then a whole army of Eds ran by, some running over the two

"Did Rolf just see an army of the one-eyebrowed Ed-boys run by?" Rolf asked as he got up "or is Rolf just seeing things?"

"nope, I saw-and felt-them" Kevin answered as he got up, then Rolf started to panic as if it was the end of the world

"**the Apocalypse is coming soon!**" Rolf yelled running around like crazy

"**get back here Mono Brows!**" Eddy shouted as he ran by carrying a rope, Edd ran by as well, another Ed came over pulling a wagon of megaphones attached to wires & suction cups. He put one on Rolf's head then ran off, attaching megaphones to a bunch of things. Ed soon ran into his room where there were a couple more Eds, the original Ed walked up to a microphone

"**attention all Eds**" Ed said through the microphone "**that does not include Eddy & Double-D. I, the original Ed have a surprise for you all!**" all the other Eds cheered "**meet me at the large truck at the entrance to the cul-da-sac for a big surprise!**" all the Eds ran to the cul-da-sac entrance where there was indeed a large truck, the original Ed got on top of it

"hello! I am the original Ed!" He exclaimed "you can tell because my buttocks is scorched" Ed turned around and showed the other Eds his scorched butt "now get into the back of the truck so we can go get our surprise!" the other Eds did so an the original Ed got into the driver's seat and drove strait forward.. and through just about everything. He kept driving until the truck ran out of gas, he went behind the truck and looked at the other Eds "OK. Before I abandon you here, does anybody remember how to get back?"

"oh! Oh! I do! I do!" one of the Eds exclaimed, the original Ed shot him with a gun that suddenly appeared in his hands

"anybody else?" Ed asked. A few moments passed and Ed killed 20 other Eds who said that they do know. "anybody else?"

"Nope" an Ed said, and Ed shot him for no apparent reason

"i shall take my leave now!" Ed proclaimed, then he jumped on a cheetah with a saddle on it that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and it took off at the speed of sound!


End file.
